Long drawn sighs...

Well... what can I say? One major disappointment after another for him. It's heartbreaking. They postponed his trial yet again. I havent posted in so long because honestly, Ive been fighting my own depression now. Im trying very hard to pull myself out of it, I mean, if I get depressed, how can I possibly be of any help to my husband? So another let down by it being postponed. I get the phone call, I hang up, I tell him its cancelled, just 3 days before trial day. He cries, he gets angry, he cries some more, I cry with him.

How someone can go through day after day after day and they are in massive pain, then dealing with how their life has changed so drastically. I just have no idea how he or anyone else does this. My heart goes out to all of you. I cry for all of you, I hurt for all of you. So we have taken 2 steps back once again. We are fighting the doctor's decision and going to try to get this for him. Other than going to another country, spending thousands of dollars, putting him into a coma to try to see if it helps him, the implant is his last hope. So now we wait.

The medications he is taking he hates. Besides the Morphine and max dose of Oxy allowed per day he takes almost a dozen other medications also. He has side effects from one so he takes another, which gives him a different side effect so he takes something for that... its a vicious never ending cycle. We have to hold out hope that he will get the implant and that it will give him relief.

He tried getting in the pool but the motion of the water was too much for him to handle and he had to get out. Another disappointment for him, he always loved to swim and used to be an excellent diver. So no swimming to cool down, the heat makes his leg and foot swell really bad. Traveling to visit anyone is hard on hi, anything over 30 miles in the car takes an entire day to recover from. So its a very long slow boring summer.

We are trying to get the doctors to start treating him for his depression. He needs to be able to talk to someone about the pain he is in because I just dont have the knowledge to help him. Of course I listen to him and we talk about it all, I just dont know what I can say to really help and he needs to have better medication for depression and anxiety. His medications cost about $1,700.00 a month as it is but he needs a good anti depressant to help him get through this.

I worry so much about him. I think anyone who is a loved one of someone suffering from RSD knows what I mean when I say that there are some nights, I simply lay in bed watching him try to sleep. I lay there and I cry because its good just to see him when he does get to sleep because I think thats the only time when he isnt directly feeling the pain, when he is sleeping. Although I know hes still in pain because when he sleeps he cant keep still, he moves his foot and leg here and there trying to find a spot thats comfortable. He gets some sleep, but its not enough. He dozes in and out all day long. He has little quality of life and I dont know how he does it. Sometimes I think he doesnt say forget it and give up just because of me.

Anyway, Im thinking of starting an RSD support group in our area. Just to get some people together, who understand what each other is going through, maybe people can reach out to others for support and ideas or just someone that will listen. I think its a good idea. I just dont know where to start. Anyone have any ideas? Does anyone even read this? Well, Ill keep plugging away on this end...


We hope everyone has a pain free and happy day, take care of yourselves!

Its been a while...

So much has happened since I last posted but now that things are beginning to settle down I thought I would give and update and soon will be back in the swing of things. My mother had a stroke about 4 weeks ago now and after reluctantly leaving Dennis at home on his own I flew to Texas to be with my mother. She is at home now and doing much better so I am also back at home. Dennis had family members who took him shopping and checked in on him, cooked some meals for him and made sure he was doing ok.

Well, to update on his health. The infection in his toe came back. So his doctor has refered him to a podiatrist to have something done with the nail so the infection will clear up. Also, his pain management had been concerned about his heart rate and blood pressure. His blood pressure has been riding on the high side of normal and after the 2 hour drive in severe pain for him for his visits his blood pressure would be in the high zone. So they decided that they would need to wait until he was on medication for his blood pressure, but more for his heart rate which is always above 100 and normally around 110. We saw his family doctor about it and she prescribed him a medication to lower his heart rate and his blood pressure. Once this is under control he can have the trial implant. Of course we are still waiting on approval from insurance for the implant, they like to take their time.

His doctor also added a second antidepressant, Celexa. They are hoping it will help him some along with the other one he is taking. He has had RSD about 2 1/2 yrs now and although he has done a good job keeping his spirits up its starting to get to him. Yes he has had times int he past he has said things to me about feeling like he isnt a whole man or how he feels like he has failed at being a good husband because he can't provide for me. But lately I have watched him get more and more depressed. I try to keep him busy mentally but the medications he is on have him forgetting things, they have him falling asleep, he is getting more and more frustrated waiting on the implant because although he knows it might not work at all, to him its hope for a more pain free life that he so desperately wants. Its hard to hear him tell me that he has forgotten what it was like to walk.

Anyway, tomorrow is his appointment with the podiatrist about his toe, Ill try to update tomorrow night about how he is doing and what they did. We wish everyone a pain free and happy day!

A little better today

RSD is a roller coaster. Up and down constantly. Today Dennis was feeling better but we think he might be coming down with a cold. He was sick to his stomach last night and today, plus he was feeling a little bit warm too. Ill have to keep an eye on him. It's bad enough to have something like RSD but having to be sick on top of it? Ugh! My heart goes out to anyone who has to go through that.

So we decided to drag out the Christmas lights this coming weekend and try to get them up on the house. I told him I really only want the porch done. The rest is too much work especially when we have no one to help us and he can't get on a ladder if he wanted to. It will be hard enough for me to climb a ladder to just get lights on the porch. When we buy another house we plan to go all out for Christmas including synchronizing the lights to music.

Well it has been a long day for me today as I had a doctor appointment so I'm going to call it a night. Take care and stay pain free!