Well today has been a rough day for Dennis. He didn't sleep very well because he was in so much pain and grouchy this morning because he didn't sleep well. Right now he is taking a nap. I hope he actually sleeps. Sleep has been hard for him over the last 2 years. Mostly due to pain but there has been the occasion he had nightmares like when he took Lyrica. Boy those days were not fun. They were severe enough nightmares that he would wake up and be so upset over it he wouldn't tell me about them. So I'm thankful today, that he can rest some. He took a pain pill and laid down.
He isn't happy about his current pain medication. He has been on Morphine for a few months and that has helped the pain so it's not so severe. The problem is, when some people take narcotics they don't urinate like they are supposed to. He said it's like he knows he has to go, but he has somehow forgotten how to go and the muscles won't work with him. So they are trying him on half morphine half Oxycontin. He says he doesn't get near as much relief from that than he does all Morphine, but it's helped slightly with being able to relieve himself. It's like it's a lose/lose situation. Always some side effect from something and it keeps you from living a normal life. He has so many medications he is taking that sometimes its even hard to tell which drug this side effect is from and which one that one is from. Hit and miss is what it amounts to.
We didn't get the house we wanted to rent. So until spring he will have to endure the 2 hour drive each way to the doctor because I can't move us in the snow. It was hard enough when we first moved here and there was snow on the ground. Well, there was 3 feet of snow on the ground. I am not going through that again. We will just hang in there and maybe int he spring we can find us a house closer to his family and his doctors office.
We are also waiting on the SCS implant approval. Actually it is a 2 step plan. First he has a trial implant. The leads will be implanted and the wires will come out of his back, be taped down to his body and then go into a control box. He can try the different settings out and see how well it works for 5 days. If he gets 50% relief (We are praying for this) then it will be a go ahead for the permanent implant. Once he has the permanent one, 2 months of recovery and he can then start physical therapy to try to get some type of mobility back. He hasn't walked in 2 years so it wont be an easy road for him. Plus they have already said that he will still have to take medication and he will still have some pain. Our hopes are that he can put on a shoe and he can possibly walk with a cane. He said he would love it if he could just put on a shoe and be half way normal looking. I would love it if he could walk with a cane. Just to be able to go somewhere with him and hold his hand while we walked. You don't realize how many little things you miss out on until you can't do them anymore. Just cuddling in bed, we no longer do because I don't want to chance bumping his foot which would send him into a sleepless night. He hasn't been able to drive a car, so I do all the driving. I would love to be able to relax when we took a drive and look out the windows at things we pass. It's not his fault that this happened to him and I don't blame him for anything. But I miss life in the normal sense. Of course things will never be normal again and I understand that. But it would be nice if it could be better than it is. I hate seeing him in pain. I hate taking showers just to cry because I feel so helpless and there's nothing I can do for him. But we have hope. Hope that things will get better. Hope that someday there will be a cure for this horrible condition.
I'll keep this updated on the SCS implant. Ill be taking video and pictures although I'm not sure if I'll be able to get the video posted. When he has it done we have to stay in a hotel in case he has to go back the next day. I keep telling him it will be alright but he is pretty nervous about it. If anyone has had the SCS Implant would you mind leaving a comment? Maybe if he hears from others who have been through it he will feel better about it.
We hope everyone has a pain free and safe day!
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